“Hey Boob.” Not “Hey beautiful,” Hey babe,” or even “Hey sexy!” But “Hey boob” was the greeting I got from a potential date (that will never happen) the other day. I was sadly swiping through the dating app Bumble (I’m done with Tinder) and becoming tired of the dead-end utterly basic small talk that usually amounts after a match. I thought this really cute guy seems funny and smart by his profile. Maybe he is different. So I gave my potential new ex-boyfriend my number. I thought let’s see if this one actually gets to know me.
We texted for a bit and even talked on the phone. He seemed he actually wanted to hang out in real life sometime. Could this app be legit?! Then to my disappointment, I get a text from the guy asking what my Instagram name is. My personality wasn’t good enough on the phone. He needed more proof if I was hot. Are my 5 odd pictures on Bumble not good enough? I tell him it’s “Dreamitdina” and I’m obviously really cool (clearly joking, but he probably didn’t get the joke). The first thing he says is “BOOBS.” Wait, is he really 30 or 13? Keep in mind I’m always making fun of myself, and I certainly don’t take life too seriously. I mean in most of my Bumble pictures, I’m wearing strange masks because I don’t want guys to get the wrong idea and think I’m normal. But this comment puzzled me. I was sort of confused. I go, “Huh? Do my pictures have my boobs out in them or something?” He asks if I’m being sarcastic and tells me, “nice display.” Well thanks. How sweet. How about tell me I have a nice smile, but nice display? This feels like someone my mom would be thrilled with.
Call me crazy, but I was always brought up to have respect for myself. I was a late bloomer and very petite. When I started to develop boobs at the late age of 17, most guys in high school started rumors that they were implants because they did not seem to go with my smaller frame at the time. I did not ask to be nicknamed Double D Dina, and I’m honestly completely unaware most of the time that Tina and Gina are out to have a good time without me. I love fashion more than most and there are times I’ve wanted to wear many outfits and I did, but ended up getting dirty looks from everyone I came in contact with. Girls thought I was trying to show them off and were mad about it apparently, and guys thought I was trying to suggest I’m not smart or easy.
So maybe two days later his “Hey Boob” comment was off-putting to say the least and perhaps brought up the animosity I used to feel towards Tina and Gina. I didn’t respond, and he continued to send me messages saying it was funny. He even went on to say I was uptight and prude with no sense of humor. Should I tell him I do stand-up comedy on Tuesdays mocking myself? Probably not. I couldn’t help but think “REALLY DUDE?” How about treating a girl like a human-being and not an object based on the way she looks. I am way more than my body and yeah that may be funny if I had Triple F breast implants that I chose to pay for myself or maybe if I just had one boob and wanted it like that (could be cool?!). Or it may be funny if I even knew the guy more than a couple texts and a 15 minute phone call, but that doesn’t impress me when you are supposedly trying to plan a date to meet me for the first time. Where will you take me? Hooter’s? Ok, that would be funny sort of.
I know everyone may read this and think well you are on a dating app that is based solely on looks. What do you expect? But I’m sure most girls out there still want to be respected. I would hope that most guys would want to be with a woman who actually respects herself and has more to offer than her looks. I know deep down these guys are looking for love and are clearly a little lonely or they wouldn’t have made a profile. Any guy can fall in love with a girl’s appearance and that’s sadly what these apps are focused on. But that’s also why these apps are for the most part unsuccessful in creating real long lasting relationships. So with that being said, I’m off now to make my match.com profile with as many turtle neck photos as possible. And I wish the best to the “Hey Boob” guy. May you find a one boobed model that doesn’t speak English and loves you all the same.