Breakups suck. Unfortunately, we all have to go through them. Whether it be a relationship that wasn’t officially a relationship, a fling that lasted a few months, or a long-term relationship that lasted years. Trust me, I have been through it all. I’ve been broken up with and I’ve done the breaking up. Either way, you have just lost the person who was your best friend. The person you did everything with. The person you’d tell everything to. Maybe even the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. The emotions will come in waves, one second you’re fine, and the next second it hits you like a brick wall and you are crying uncontrollably.
The loss of that person seems to linger on, days, even months after the official breakup. It becomes apparent every single day from when you wake up in the morning and reach over to their side of the bed, only to find it empty. It happens again as you turn on the radio and hear their favorite song. As you go about your day you realize you want to tell them about the funny incident at work, or that you ate their favorite food at lunch. You want to tell them everything because everything seems to be a harsh reminder of them, and the fact that they are no longer in your life. The initial reaction of a breakup is to exclusively focus on these things and get lost in the emptiness and racing thoughts in your head.
Although it is important to grieve and face all your emotions head on, there is so much more that can emanate from heartbreak. When it comes to a breakup, “It’s not letting go of the past that is the problem. It is coming to terms with letting go of a possible future that will never be. That is the struggle. The mind wants to keep its fantasies. Even when they are wrong, unhealthy, dangerous or even cruel. To let go of the past you must let go of the future and live in the present”. Letting go of all the “what if’s” and mistakes that occurred throughout the time period you were together will help you move forward. It will help you become whole.
Although you have just lost someone of significant importance in your life, come to terms that they were not your “other half”. The term “other half” or “they complete me” is so detrimental to personal growth. You do not need someone to complete you. You are complete by yourself.
The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will be able to pick yourself up and begin self-improvements. Wipe the tears from your eyes, get out of bed and start grinding. Christina Yang from Grey’s Anatomy said it better than anyone. She is speaking to Meredith Grey and says, “He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun”. And as always, Christina is right. He is not the sun. Your world does not revolve around him/her. Yes, he or she is a great, awesome person I’m sure. But there are other great, awesome people in the world too. Do not get too hung up on the loss of this person. You are your own sun.
You are the only person who has the power to decide how you handle a break up. You can choose to be sad, lay in bed, and feel sorry for yourself. Or, you can be sad, but also see the breakup as an opportunity for self-improvement. Take this time to be selfish and to focus on yourself. Yes, you are feeling a great amount of pain right now, but channel the pain into something positive. Spend time doing what you love with people who will be there to support you through this difficult time. Use this heartbreak as a chance to grow.
Pick up a new hobby, read a book, take a spin class, go to yoga, eat healthier, get a massage. Pamper yourself like the princess you are. You do not need a man or a woman to be happy. You can make yourself happy. If pampering isn’t your style, take a kickboxing class, lift weights, go on a long sweaty run. Get active. Get outside your head. The more things you do for yourself, the more you will realize you need them less.
It can take weeks, months and even years to get over a breakup. The subtle things that once reminded you of them will slowly not hurt as much anymore. The memories will not be as hard to breathe around. Hearing their name will no longer make your stomach drop. You will begin to realize that you are in the process of healing. You will see all the positive changes and unexpected outcomes that have happened because of your breakup. One day, you will realize you are happy again and that you will be ok.